Under this license you may:
(1) visit the Website only in a single astral body at a time.
(2) make one copy of the Website in crayon, provided that such copy of the original may be used solely for refrigerator
decoration and is initialed by a qualified 8 year-old. The Website is protected by copyright law, and complies with the
provisions of Chief Niwot's Curse. As an express condition of this License, you must reproduce on each copy the
Orion/Media's copyright notice and image of the Magic Pie.
(3) transfer the Website and its proprietors and all their friends and
relations to another party together with a copy of this License and all necessary supplies and provisions, provided you
give Orion/Media your undying love and the other party reads this License and agrees to adopt the whole kit and
caboodle in lieu of his/her own kith and kin.
*Restrictions*
You may NOT telepathically or genetically distribute copies of the Website to others or transfer Website contains
arcane conceptual idiosyncrasies and to protect them you may NOT reduce the Website to a human perceivable form.
YOU MAY NOT MODIFY, ADAPT, TRANSLATE, RENT, LEASE, LOAN,
RESELL FOR PROFIT, DISTRIBUTE, NETWORK, OR CREATE DERIVATIVE WORKS BASED UPON THE
WEBSITE OR THE UNIQUE GENETIC SEQUENCES OF ITS CREATORS OR YOU WILL UNLEASH MYSTERIOUS
FORCES OUTSIDE THE HUMAN KEN.
Do not operate heavy machinery or choose a sexual partner while viewing the Website. You may NOT send any money
for the product because there isn't really what you could call a product, as such. There is only the Website. Please wash
your hands before visiting the Website and keep your hands on the keyboard, where we can see them.
*Termination*
This License shall remain in effect until you are too old and bitter to care. This License will terminate in a puff of bluish
smoke if you fail to comply with any provision of good taste and irreproachable decorum. Upon termination you must
destroy the hopes and dreams of all those dearest to you.
*Disclaimer*
Warranty Disclaimer, Limitation of Remedies and Damages:
The Website will perform substantially in accordance with what you'd expect from something that's absolutely free. If,
within ninety (90) days after your visit, the Website fails to do so, then Orion/Media and its affiliates invoke the
provisions of the Tough Casabes Act.
We do not warrant that the Website will appeal to your very peculiar tastes or that the operation of the Website will be
uninterrupted bliss. You assume responsibility
for the selection of the Website to achieve your intended results and for whatever gets you through the night. Although
changes or improvements to the Website may be made, who the Hell cares? Orion/Media is under no obligation to
provide diddly. The Website should be used only with computers.
You must stand up, and read the FOLLOWING aloud, at the top of your lungs:
*Complete Statement of Warranty*
THE LIMITED WARRANTIES PROVIDED ABOVE ARE THE ONLY WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND THAT ARE
MADE BY ORION/MEDIA ON THE WEBSITE, AND THEY'RE NOT WORTH THE PAPER THEY'RE NOT
PRINTED ON. NO ORAL OR WRITTEN INFORMATION OR ADVICE GIVEN BY ORION/MEDIA, ITS
HANGERS-ON, ITS PARAMOURS, OR
THOSE WHO MERELY WORSHIP FROM AFAR SHALL CREATE A WARRANTY OR ANYTHING SORTA LIKE A
WARRANTY, AND YOU MAY NOT RELY ON ANY SUCH INFORMATION OR ADVICE, EXCEPT MAYBE THIS
PARTICULAR ADVICE, WE'RE NOT SAYING. THIS WARRANTY GIVES YOU SPECIFIC LEGAL RIGHTS IN
THIS SOLAR SYSTEM. YOU MAY HAVE CONJUGAL RIGHTS, WHICH VARY BETWEEN MARITAL STATES
AND FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTIONS.
*Limitation of Liability*
IN NO EVENT WILL ORION/MEDIA, OR ITS DEVELOPERS, DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, EMPLOYEES,
CONCUBINES OR CAMP FOLLOWERS BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANY CONSEQUENTIAL, INCIDENTAL, OR
INDIRECT DAMAGES (INCLUDING DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF COURAGE, COITAL INTERRUPTION, LOSS OF
ERECTION, AND THE LIKE) ARISING OUT OF THE USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THE WEBSITE OR
SPECIFIC PARTS OF YOUR ANATOMY EVEN IF ORION/MEDIA OR AN AUTHORIZED
REPRESENTATIVE HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. BECAUSE SOME STATES
IN AMERICA DO NOT ALLOW MARRIAGE BETWEEN FIRST COUSINS, THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS MAY
NOT APPLY TO YOU.
*U.S. GOVERNMENT RESTRICTED USE PROVISIONS*
If this Website is acquired by or on behalf of a unit or agency of the United States Government, we will laugh
ourselves silly.
*GENERAL*
You acknowledge that there is nothing on television bad enough to make you read this agreement all the way through,
understand it's a Complete Crock and that it is the complete and exclusive Load of Total Bull which supersedes any
prior Load of Bull, oral or written, and any other communications between Orion/Media and you relating to the subject
of this agreement, and indeed, any communications whatsoever since the Big Bang, and that your obligations under
this agreement are grave indeed, and no fit subject for sophomoric japes. No variation of the terms of agreement or
endearment let alone intimate physical contact is permitted unless Orion/Media gives its express consent in writing
countersigned by a licensed physician and you are willing to be friends first.